Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is a male-dominated sport. It is growing in popularity for women but
most academies have more males than females training. Being one of these many females, I learned to
fight with the big guys. I was never
afraid. I gladly launched my five foot
frame at the 250-pound bruisers. People
thought I was really tough. They would
cheer when I would choke out a new guy or marvel when I climbed someone’s back
like a spider monkey. I felt special and
was fearless.
I was fearless, that is, until I went to an all-female
open mat.
All of a sudden I was surrounded by women that did
jiu-jitsu. I was nervous and had no idea
how to act around them. We seemed to
notice everything about each other: hair,
makeup, new gi, old gi, new belt, old belt, patches, nail polish, braids,
embroidery, no kids, lots of kids, big chest, small butt, weird lips…. I was
not in Kansas anymore.
It became even more evident when it was time to train.These
ladies rolled completely differently. They were faster and more technical. They were also very focused and didn’t fool around. I was out of my element. I was slow and smashy. I knew how to use my weight to make my 120
pounds feel like 200 but it didn’t matter because I wasn’t getting the
opportunity to get top position anyway. I couldn’t use the same techniques on the women because they played a
completely different way.
I got beat. Bad.
I had to make a decision. I would either have to start training with women or come to terms with
the fact that my jiu-jitsu education would not be complete without female
training partners.
What I really wanted to do was run away because I
realized one very painful truth.
I was afraid.
I don’t know why it is – whether it is a primal response
that is coded in us from the caveman days that tells us women to be wary of
other women but over the years I have learned that I was not alone. It happens in neighborhoods, schools, workplaces,
households and on the mats. Women often feel
an immediate and irrational competitiveness with other women. We prejudge their personalities, talents,
abilities, and jiu-jitsu skills based on their appearance or our first
impression.
It happens in competition. The same pony-tailed sprite that would gladly
take on the HULK in the gym trembles when a 110-pound white belt with pink toenails
and frosted blonde hair steps up to the mat. All of a sudden, all the bravado and confidence that we had shrinks and
a rapid heatbeat and sweaty palms takes its place.
Men often tell the few women in the gym, “Oh, you beat
all of us guys up all the time, think how great you are going to do when you
fight women.”
Nope.
Women know other women. Women are fierce. When women
compete with other women they are often not just out there for the joy of “just
being there.” It takes a lot of courage
to compete in a male-dominated combat sport so many women devote a lot of time
and energy into preparing so that they are not embarrassed. Many women fight differently than their male
counterparts. Women’s bodies and minds
are different.
No matter if you have one female in your gym or ten, find
open mats and look for female-only events or seminars. Pick out a female that you don’t know to roll
with when you train or visit another school.
If you are looking for a new school or want to compete try to find one
with a strong women’s program. You can
sit around with the one or two other women at your gym and train only with the
guys or you can face your real fear and put yourself out where you feel most
vulnerable. If you are going to compete against women, it stands to reason that
testing yourself and learning in the gym with other women will give you the
best education. Males are great teachers and training partners but training
with males-only may not be sufficient enough preparation for competition and
competition is the best way to test your jiu-jitsu.
Your jiu-jitsu will never be the same. And that will be a good thing.
Check out: www.girls-in-gis.com
www.navabjj.com
www.aresbjj.com
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